Driving in India

Okay so for this entry I will teach you how to drive in India. After this you will be able to master the driving of any city/highway in the country.

Lesson 1: General Driving

Start with two wheels off the road on the left side going 50mph. Now whiz up behind a truck doing 5mph carrying a boulder the size of a house. Swerve blindly into the oncoming lane putting two wheels off the road on the right side. Be sure to fully commit to this swerve. No half-assing will be permitted in my school. Whip back into your lane as a petrol tanker with a picture of the Elephant-headed God Ganesh dominating most of the windscreen misses you by at most 20cm+/- . Now that your reactions are honed we will move on to passing.

Lesson 2: Passing

Continuing from lesson 1 you are still 1 meter away from the truck carrying the boulder in front of you.
Step 1: lean on the horn for aprox. six seconds. Edge halfway into the oncoming lane, notice the WWII vitage jeep heading at you, but don't worry if you stay halfway in his lane he will move out of your way.
After he passes you in a cloud of dust kicked up by his tardy lurch onto the shoulder than you can begin your passing manuver. As you start passing play the intro to Beethoven's 9th on the horn, though there is only one tone everyone will understand and admire your amazing skills as a driver and an artist, pass the truck as fast as you can. BUT make sure there is a car fast-approaching to make sure the timing is correct. Swerve back into your lane just in front of the truck while avoiding the oncoming vehicle, the opposing driver will have seen your pass and will brake in anticipation. But he as another graduate from this driving school will wait until the last possible minute before braking. Now that you are back in your lane you must remain vigilante for similar manuvers from your front.

App. A

For Night Driving simply repeat the above steps, while watching for cows, goats, people, and other such nonsense on the road. Cars and auto-rickshaws with their lights off are not a concern because since you have yours on they will see you and get out of your way.

Congratulations you're on your way to become one of India's finest. For additional practice simple play and car racing game where you can behave like a jackass and not get pulled over until your honk your air-horn right next to a cop in a roundabout, like well, umm us two days ago.